疼痛难免

每次Adam和Harry同框的时候总是会有我大英伦摇滚响起hhh，虽然已经有人开贴但是我觉得老是回复人家很麻烦所以写一篇自己存着看。

肉耳识曲，听的不多，欢迎补充首先是第二集开头，Libertines的Music When the Lights Go Out，这里应该是原曲，前奏一响起我就燃起来了。

然后第三集有一首翻唱的Bowie的Let‘s Dance，非常平缓，soothing同时悲伤着。

本来原曲感觉是非常振奋人心的（怎么说，挺词不达意的，可以说是optimistic和energetic的？

），但考虑到Adam在工作上真的难免受挫疼痛，我认为这里这样处理很合适。

第四集两人出舞池，响起Zombies的The Way I Feel Inside…感觉Adam就是这样吧，外冷内热，他对病人（或者是“客户”，哈哈）有真正的关心与热忱，对爱人Harry也很真诚。

只是英国人嘛，总是有点绕着说，到了Adam这儿就变成了一些傲娇。

但在晚餐时他不再继续以前死板的“Well work is fine…”，而是愿意向Harry分享工作上的事情…“I would want to say the things I want to say tonight…”这首的歌词真的很适合与人距离感极强的Adam啊两人共舞，是否就是呼应了前面的Music…和Let's Dance呢，哈哈哈

很有意思，在展示Adam和Harry的温馨场面后，镜头总会切向Adam的同事们：Let‘s Dance后，镜头一转到了深夜复习的Shruti；二人共舞后，镜头转向Tracy的家庭生活&Shruti…

这时候事情也是出现了转机吧，尽管事业不顺、失去亦友的病人，但也有好事发生…这就是医生吧第五集，Adam遭到同事投诉，情感也面临窘迫之境，A与H坐在车上，响起Yeah Yeah Yeahs 的Modern Romance。

“Don’t hold on/Go get strong/Well don’t you know/There’s no modern romance…”但我认为两人的感情不应该就这样断了。

把一切讲明，也许需要在生活与事业中做出抉择，也许需要放弃其一，也许能勉强维持，也许一无所获。

第六集，Adam和Harry分开（暂时？

），Adam去私立医院代班，响起Pulp的Born to Cry。

我就想喊一声：shite不要对他这么差好不好。

歌词如下：That coat that I gave you, All shiny and black, I'm sorry my darling, But I'm taking it back.I don't want to spoil the party, But I've got to go home, You can stay if you want to, If you want to sleep alone, Some are born to greatness, Some are born to die, Never knowing the difference, Never knowing why, Some are born to change the world, Some never even try, But darling, you and IWe were born to cry. 这不就是engagement party（现在不能叫这个了）后Adam的写照吗…他的善良与热心在冰冷的医疗体制被磨灭，无法做出“改变世界”此等壮举。

而之前Adam也在与朋友聊天中袒露：“也许我注定要一个人”…这首歌总之是配得极好，同时真的很能渲染那种超级悲伤无助的感觉了…镜头转到Shruti，医疗考试、父母期待、工作负压将要将她压垮然后响起一首Fuck This（对不起这首我怎么识别也找不出来…但是你英国人配乐有必要这么贴切么真的是，太伤人了镜头来回在Adam和Shruti之间切换，Adam到了更fancy却鸡肋的工作环境，Shruti更亲身体验Adam从前的生活，此时歌词唱道：Everything stinksEverything’s brokeSo fuck thisI tried and I lostand everything costsSo fuck thisIt’s raining moneyIt’s raining down in buckets…I’m switching my allegianceI’m swapping sidesCos only mugs have principlesand now the privilege is mineAll aboard for moolah land (金钱岛)Working cash in handwtfAdam你不仅见利忘义你还见色忘友啊（男友）吓我一跳第七集，一切仿佛又好转了，但还是惊人地无助。

在Harry的劝说下，Adam继续做了医生，cos it is what he‘ s meant to be然后幕黑，同名曲出（是jc唱的么？

还是ba？

我没查到）期待第二季！

（如果还有的话）如果这里Adam听了Harry的劝说继续做医生的话，他还会像原著一样在2010年退出这个行业吗？

不过虽然与原著不同，但我觉得以在听证会上就Shruti的死表达他对这个国家医疗行业的不满的处理很好

从讨论里搬来的图，不过自己在观看过程中听出的曲子更有共鸣感就是了哈哈哈，也很有成就感

很早之前看过原著，发现出了剧版以后一个晚上看完了7集。

作为在妇产科轮转过小半年的人来说（当时作为实习生），从第一集查房开始就感觉痛苦的回忆涌上心头。

剧里主角是同时负责妇科、产科、急诊，国内唯一比剧里好的一点就是这三科分开，你不需要同时处理各种让人焦头烂额的事情，但是工作强度一点也不比主角少。

拿东部某省省妇幼的妇科来说，一个规培生（基本都是研究生在读，处理病人的一切杂事）需要从早七点半到晚八点都在工作，非手术日有两个小时午休，手术日只有二十分钟午饭，不幸排到白班就是午饭时间也没有，夜班第二天基本也要到中午才能下夜班，手术日站着的时间是9个小时左右，一周两个手术日，周末还需要值班（基本每周至少一天），还有每天都需要给十几个病人换药拔管拆线做专科检查，做到最后腰都直不起来，下班之后还需要看文献写文章做实验准备各种考试，报酬就是每月1000左右的生活补贴和一年6000左右的奖学金（还需要交一年一万的学费），宿舍潮湿拥挤（8人间）还离医院坐公交半小时。

我朋友是妇科研究生，研一刚开学三个月就跟我说她后悔了，轮转去“地狱”急诊，她说她解放了……这种高压环境下，很难不让人崩溃，我在看剧的时候也在等着主角崩溃，只是没能想到是Shruti先撑不住了，这种你能预想到未来几十年的工作状态都是这样的情况，真的很让人窒息，再加上缺乏休息和有效的放松，人离崩溃真的很近。

我现在的状态没有妇科这么让人窒息，但是我们经常会问自己两个问题：“我什么时候能毕业？

”“我真的需要这份文凭吗？

”，我也想和颜悦色做个温柔的医生，但是同一时间有五个病人站在你身后等着你处理，真的很难让人心平气和。

深夜看剧导致情绪上来了，说了很多有的没的，见谅，日子还需要过下去，明天继续加油吧。

This Is Going to Hurt 疼痛难免，这个翻译太好了，像是提醒，又像是谶语。

1Everything is shit.Everyone is shit.我看的医疗剧极少，但是医疗剧不都是“常常治愈”的吗，这部和治愈关系不大，致郁的效果极佳。

看到类型栏的“喜剧”标签简直怀疑我的眼睛，苦笑也算笑是吧。

作者说这部剧是“一封写给NHS的情书”，依然让我惊讶，谁家情书写得这么苦涩！

真实到残酷的一部剧，好看（真实精彩）又难看（压抑致郁）。

我对《良医》的剧评是：“可能医疗剧的魅力就在于：众生皆苦，而这反而让人感到安慰。

”这部依然成立，只是更苦了。

生活太苦了，苦涩的成年人在寻找虚幻的安慰的时候都嫌“幻想太脱离现实了”、“快乐水含糖量太高了”，所以，苦涩沉重的《疼痛难免》成了“一封情书”一下子就合理了起来。

甚至让我想到《BJ单身日记》里那句超经典超让人心动的表白：“I like you very much, just as you are.”因为照见现实，因为照见自我，所以在灰暗中找到一丝亮，在苦涩中反刍出一点甜，在流泪后吐出一口气。

人生大事，生老病死，在医院是天天、时时都在上演，妇产科更是浓缩的精华。

主人公Adam就是一个悲惨又寻常的妇产科医生。

疲惫、憔悴、痛苦、煎熬、 窒息、压抑、愤怒、自责、摇摇欲坠、勉强支撑。

看起来熟悉吗？

听起来熟悉吗？

2很喜欢第三集Adam的墓地求婚。

如果众生皆苦，生命的意义是什么？

如果疼痛难免，疗愈的良方是什么？

当Adam单薄的身影摇摇晃晃走在坟墓中间时，那画面真的很美。

就像是有无形的东西在吸走Adam的生命力一样，那句英文的表达很准确——“suck life out”，后来又想，是什么呢？

工作、压力、情绪、良心……然后发现，It's life itself that sucks life out of us.每个人，活着就是要死的。

每一天，都是在走向死亡。

生命在流逝，在消耗，流完了，耗尽了，就结束了。

写到这的时候，连我自己都觉得有些太悲观虚无了，但是其实我真的不是这个意思。

生命肯定有其值得珍惜的地方，不然人间真的会空荡荡的……就是因为生活很苦，生命虚无，才更要珍惜生活里的那些小小的甜蜜和幸福，在终点之前赶紧做点什么抓住些什么，就算终将失去，哪怕终将失去，恰恰是因为终将失去。

3喜欢Adam的人，应该都会喜欢Harry吧，因为他有生命力，有光有热，有让人幸福的能力。

所以想钻进屏幕把Adam暴力摇晃：醒醒！

抓住这个男人！

所以，剧里又一个很喜欢的名场面来了，最后一集好友婚礼上他俩偷溜的身影，美得想原地给他们证婚。

在湖里的坦白，又痛又美。

无法逃避的痛苦挣扎，无比脆弱的真诚与爱。

我们所爱的、所投入、所付出的，是我们的诅咒。

冲着本喵和喜剧的标签看完剧，结果整个人陷入了重重的抑郁情绪。

这实在是非常优秀的一部作品：扎实的制作，优秀的演绎，用心的细节，严肃的话题碰撞上英剧独特的黑色幽默，真的让人很难不打高分。

不长不短的7集，通过Adam为首的各位医护人员在妇产科经历的一个个小故事其实是在对整个NHS完成了泣血的控诉又表达了深深的无奈。

医护人员一边要背负起高负荷的工作强度，还要各自在学术专业上不断深耕完成自己的成长，同时还要承担起自己工作失误所带来的不可估量的后果以及由此而来的心理压力，然而工作环境和待遇却又难以得到改善。

这种渡劫磨难式的职业道路真的有太多的不合理和不人道。

但转向患者方面，他们在病痛之中仍在面临漫长的等待，糟糕的就诊环境和医疗体验。

这种现有公共医疗环境下医患的全方面的冲突真的让人深感无力，无可奈何。

其实不仅仅是NHS，放眼全世界，大多数国家的公共医疗体系都面临着同样的问题。

不然也就不会有那么多在等待中错失治疗机会的新西兰患者，也不会有日韩的研修医高自杀率，更不会有国内这么多的伤医事件。

说到底，每个国家能够提供各公共医疗的资源仍然是太有限了：越来越高的医学生培养成本，日益增多的患者数量，不断紧缩的财政分配，这似乎就是一盘无解的棋局。

很有感触的一个情节是第6集关于私立医院和公立医院的对比。

NHS这边忙到医生随时可以崩溃患者无法收治，一边私立医院每个病患超大的病房度假般的体验。

这真是资本的力量和阶级的差异的极好的现实描画。

所以你看， 底层人民的种种冲突对于高收入人群而言仿佛并不存在。

放在国内其实情况也很类似，我们的医保体系和一线的临床医生的环境其实也并没什么太大不同。

去年因为生病需要做一个特别的住院治疗，北京的几家公立医院都要排队五个月以上，而且只有小破的三人间；私立医院却能随时安排住院，还是星级酒店一样的独立病房。

公立可以走医保，私立全自费，加上服务费等等两者费用差了四倍多吧…当时也是很感慨钱的重要性，想要吐槽命运的不公平的同时却又不得不承认这便是现实，因为这也有他符合市场规律的合理性。

而另一方面，Adam说私立医院有最漂亮的吊灯，但NHS能救你的命。

某种意义上也确实是这样吧。

私立医院用高额的费用换来了更加优秀的服务体验，然而同时又因为私立医院的医疗资源存量和医院体量的原因在发生小概率/高复杂度紧急事件时很难很好的应对。

同样是去年见证的事，一个私立医院的一个骨科小手术，发生了紧急麻醉事故，患者就这么没了，要实在公立大三甲其实应该还是能救回来的…所以又一次感受到了这个世界的荒谬…说到底，私立医院的存在是靠市场规律来平衡公立医疗资源的稀缺性，但两种体质各有优劣，最终到每个患者，只要医疗资源本身的稀缺性没有改变，其实这一切仍然是没有绝对最优解的啊…剧中Adam的形象非常鲜活，在于他并不是一个完美的人，他也会犯错，他也有私心，他本性善良却也有恶的念头。

他是个救人性命的英雄的同时，也是个无法平衡工作和私欲的普通人。

他为了自己的误诊而懊恼，为了患者离世而悲伤，却也惧怕投诉会让他丢掉工作，甚至会用些小手段。

也很喜欢Adam和Harry的对手戏，Adam内心的挣扎和脆弱都在Harry面前被小心的隐藏又被无情的暴露。

这段感情温暖却不能对等，坚定却又非常脆弱，让人叹息可也惹人羡慕。

剧集呈现给我们的就是这么一个个鲜活而真实的年轻人的形象，而不是在一味的造神或造抓马，这也是它吸引人的原因之一吧。

Adam最爱说I'm Fine，其实大家都知道当你用fine这个词来形容与自己相关事情的时候，基本就是not fine了。

很多年前的电影就告诉过我们I'm fine means I'm "Fucked Up/Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional". 一点不假。

Adam又用他的故事再次演绎了这个解释…剧集在最后用Adam的崩溃和Shruti的自尽完成了对NHS的控诉，又在湖中的对话中完成了Adam对他自己医生这个职业选择的正当化和救赎。

现在的我们其实都忘了，“医生”终究也只是人，是人就会有犯错误的时候，是人就有能力的极限。

不是所有的疾病都能被治好，不是所有的治疗都是简单的打针吃药。

真实的人生里疼痛难免，真实的医疗也只能做到偶尔治愈。

特别是在医疗资源的稀缺性无法被解决的当下时代，让我们都看清现实，多几分理解吧。

刺痛 憔悴 支离破碎前5集压抑到极点紧张的工作 疲惫的生活 削减的开支隔着屏幕都感觉到的倦怠与父母无法理解 与伴侣无法沟通 与朋友无法融入本卫肖偏执敏感又脆弱不堪的不与社会接轨的边缘人特质配合上打光 构图 剪辑 转场仿佛他就痛苦又鲜活的站在眼前第6集封神探讨私立医院与公立医院的设施与服务在大幅度差别对比的最后以救助一个权势之人结束讽刺最后以shruti打破第四面墙平静的离去收尾第7集结局更是打破传统基调隧道尽头 依旧是黑暗为爱辞去工作 等来的却是更坚定的离去你以为生活会一天一天变好吗只会更累更乱更糟

你有没有某个时刻意识到生活正在坍塌。

不是出现了世俗意义上的大灾难，世界哐当碎裂开砸你头上那种。

而是某个瞬间，当你抬起头时，觉得天空离你好像比昨天更近了一点。

在此之前，你虽然感觉到生活压得你喘不过气来，但自己应付的还算可以吧？

从这一刻起，你无比清晰地看到纠缠在自己身上的无数麻烦。

那是你的藤壶，你的菟丝子，它们长着一张柔弱又不打紧的脸，却一刻不停地吸吮你灵魂的营养，企图拖着你一同死去。

你感到自己的心在慢慢死去，尽管一切看起来一如往常。

你的家人朋友爱人都还在为你提供情感支持（当然你们之间的问题也依然存在），但这些好像都没有帮助。

外部在向你输送营养的同时也滋润了那些寄生虫似的麻烦，把它们变得更为强壮。

对于关心你的人们提供的支持你很难回报，事后总结起来，你做的所有事不过是用其他人伤害你的方式伤害他们，并让他们持续为你担心。

直到有一天，某个你尊敬的人或者是你自己突然点醒了你，搞砸一切的其实是你自己。

你愤怒你委屈你痛苦然后你意识到，ta说的全对，而且在很久很久以前，你就在为今天的崩溃做铺垫。

你以为自己应付的不错，至少有80分的水准。

但其实只是过去的你向未来透支了分数，导致不及格的局面直到现在才出现。

于是你抬起头，越来越近的天空终于压到了头顶上。

你想放纵，想逃避，想一烂到底，但这些都不行。

每天你睁开眼都忍不住要骂一句，淦，他们为什么要给失败者也颁发奖杯。

是的，胜利女神不止会亲吻胜利者的冠冕，还会给失败者颁发不可逃避的奖杯，俗称烂摊子。

失败者的造物也不会自动消失，它会日复一日地站在那里，彰显着你的失败。

你觉得很痛，你感觉很坏，你想好起来。

你只能一铲子一铲子地挪走挡路的渣土，企图在你昨日坍塌世界的废墟上开出一条路来。

未来或许会好吧，尽管失败的勋章还在原地，尽管有些人有些事已经到了无可挽回的地步。

你别无选择，尽管你feel so bad。

How gender politics evacuates in This is going to hurt --By Adam kay. BBC series This is going to hurt adapted by the same name book written by formal gynae senior doctor Adam kay captured every audience member’s empathy as soon as it was released.Here are some issues we may draw attention in terms of racial and sexism content (racism patient refuse to accept Pakistani doctor and black midwife) of modern British society, domestic violence, and the homophobic content. Among those crucially provocative issues, my point of interest focuses on the discourses of male entitlement including Toxic Masculinity and male empowerment and the female representation of pregnancy stigma. Introduction: In traditional media representation, Males are more likely to be portrayed as aggressive, argumentative, and competitive. Females are more likely to be described as affectionate, emotionally expressive, passive, and tender. The old binary opposition which put femininity at one end of the political spectrum and feminism at the other is no longer an accurate way of conceptualizing female experience. Gender segregation now by itself becomes a power mechanism. Representation of male privilege within the ‘female’ spaces.Center stage problem, center stealing and Overconfidence: In the first episode of this is going to hurt, by saying “I am the most senior doctor here. I am running this ward now and it’s up to me.” Adam attempts to entitle and empower his social identity. This action gets denied immediately by the black midwife leader Tracy by saying “I am running this ward, young man. I am more than capable, and I am handing myself.” The power dynamic is being shifted abruptly and making Adam look small in his position by the next sequence of reverse shots which kind of foreshadows the MacGuffin for Adam in the next chapter (who is the complainer about him to GMC). Psychological or personal entitlement refers to one’s sense of deservingness. Entitlement reflects the belief that a person deserves a set of outcomes because of who they have done. Men give higher estimates of their ability than do women, and men’s self-estimates tend to be independent of their actual ability. On cognitive tests, for instance, men give themselves higher ratings than their actual performance merits, whereas women tend to have a more realistic appraisal of their own performance. When those who are used to being at the center of everything important in society are moved from the center, however briefly, group members experience a threat and therefore are motivated to re-assert their privilege which feels natural, comfortable, and the natural order of things. Members of dominants groups assume that their perceptions are the pertinent ones, that their problems are the ones that need to be addressed, and that in discourse they should be the speaker rather than the listener. Male entitlement: hegemonic masculinity, perceptions of male marginalization and Sanction authority of the white male doctors. Hegemonic masculinity extensively critiqued the male sex role literature and proposed a model of multiple masculinities and power relations. In turn, this model was integrated into a systematic sociological theory of gender. The defense of hegemonic masculinity is usually done quietly through institutions. For example, when Adam’s best friend Greg introduces a bunch of guys to a female strip club as his own bachelor party, by enforcing all the male members of the group into a solid clan in which all the discrimination towards women is generally acceptable, they enhance their hegemonic masculinity mechanism. On overt masculinity politics emerges that exalts men’s power and opposes feminism and by obeying all the criteria and principals within the convention of hegemonic masculinity, anything opposite that is impossibly inclusive such as homosexuality. For Judith Butler, nonetheless, Gender and sex were nothing more than cultural constructions.So, in episode two of This is going to hurt, when Adam and his partner Henry finish the dinner with the couple Greg and his fiancée, by saying “Greg’s life seems settled and normal.” Adam refuses to accept his own feeling of belongingness by admitting Greg’s heterosexual normativity and denying his own sexual performativity. Heteronormativity is the idea that heterosexual attraction and relationships are the normal form of sexuality. It is rooted in a linked essential, dichotomous understanding of sexuality and gender and the perception that these things are fixed and unchanging. The construction of gender identities is produced through repetitive performance of behaviors, physical stylistic expressions, without which the binary distinction has no sense. The instability of the relationship between sex and gender attest to the performative nature of identity. By denying the homosexual identity and relationships with community, it defines the heterosexuality as natural and the norm. It enacts the heterogeneity of drives through the proliferation and destruction of univocal signification. This could be regarded as the primitive origin of homophobic performativity which is unforgivably toxic. Meanwhile, by denying men’s approach to vulnerability, the dichotomous binary mechanism is constructed by itself. When in episode three Adam’s partner Henry asks about his situation by saying “I know something is up for you”, he shows his concern and sentimentality towards Adam but at the same time, Adam refuses to tell Henry about the medical negligence. When Henry says, “let me in, let me know what is going on in there”, the director uses a lot of over the shoulder shots of Henry over Adam and Adam’s singular medium close-up shots in the continuity editing to illustrate Adam’s interior emotional turbulence. Here, again as audience we can perceive that Adam is going through a tremendously traumatized internal journey without letting Henry be aware of it. When Adam says to his eight-five-year-old polish patient Mrs. Winnicka, ‘I used to reckon I was good at medicine but bad at other stuff. Not great either right now’, he finally acknowledges his vulnerability and weakness by admitting that it is inappropriate using his medical knowledge as a mechanism of generating power entitlement in public medical sphere.Afterwards, when the consultant of the hospital Mr. Lockhart warns Adam by saying ‘shits happen, you can’t let yourself fell it all.’ Which becomes the last front line that block Adam to break down. In this way, toxic masculinity principals are transmitted among generations by denying the plausibility of showing men’s sensibility and sentimentality. The death of Mrs. Winnicka in some level serves as a dramatic impulse and plot motivation to imply Adam’s collapsing point in the next chapter. The whole narrative does not approach sexual masculinity issue by telling the storyline itself, but this is still deserved to be regarded as Toxic Masculinity related issue because by enhancing that masculinity is strong, tough, and natural while femininity is weak, vulnerable, and artificial, it proliferates the conception of binary construction even among people who believe that women and men are equals. So, the people understand masculinity as the drive for power, domination, and control. If any social representation and public behavior demonstrate that it is acceptable for men to be fragile, it breaks down the whole dichotomous structure where masculinity is an experience to entitle power and female body is naturally entitled with the responsibility to give birth. The process of moral regulation through discourse makes ontological and epistemological promises of a particular and historical form of social order natural. In this process of resonating binary structure, discourse of ideal pregnancy must be understood as situated moral constructs, which regulate women’s maternal experiences, expressions, and responsibilities. Our collective fear of dangers has forced us into a position where we have created a theory from the body of damage done to us in terms of masochism but expediency. Particularization and negotiation:By representing the voices of women and ethnic others as normal, they become possible objects of identification for men. Particularizing may also be carried out by representing what men do as being particular and only representing a certain social group of men, that is denying them the right to represent the universal any more than women do. In the episode six, when Doctor Shruti meets up with her subordinate junior locum doctor—a tall young white guy who seems very boyish and innocently naïve, the cinematographer opens with a medium profile shot by moving the camera around to the side and subsequently reversing the over-the shoulder shot towards the young man functioning as emphasizing how small the young white apprentice is and empowering Doctor Shruti. Intriguingly, in the next sequence, when the junior doctor stands up and looks down Shruti by saying to Shruti ‘are you one of the midwives, love?’ and Shruti replies by saying ‘I am actually your boss, love.’ We see how the whole power dynamic is solidly constructed. And in the next theater operation scene, the apprentice directly faints during surgery because of witnessing huge amount of blood. While Shruti calmly completes the mission with her intellectual background and wisdom. From here, we notice that the relationship shot in any power dynamic constructing scenario is ought to be established on the figure situated in a weaker position so the power dynamic can be shifted by the reverse shots. If we compare this scenario with the former scenario where Shruti was subordinated towards Adam, we can reach on an undeniable conclude that gender is nothing more than a social construction. Judith Butler defines gender as the consequence of reiterated acts or practices, even if there is a contradiction or instability between their biological sex and their gendered actions. Through gender performativity, one may cause themselves to shape their desire. Gender is performative which means we are not acting it like in a performance but rather constructing it. In the episode four of This is going to hurt, when being asked about his fiancée by his subordinate college Shruti, Adam corrects her spelling as a male version fiancé by saying ‘My alpha male demeanor clearly threw you off the scent ’which is kind of an ironic sarcasm for stereotypes towards queer male intellectuals in social sphere. As For Foucault, an ethical sensibility is a process of constant experimentation and reappraisal, in which new experiences are integrated, and reflection helps determine future actions. From this perspective, if any newly liberal social order is trying to be reached out, we must aspire to building processes of socialization of the new generations within a framework of gender sensitivity where the culture of peace prevails over violence without discrimination, establishing relations of equality and justice, not only in the rights recognized by states among their citizens, but also in daily life, in schools, workplaces and within governments. How those female representations subordinated to Adam are used to consolidate his power in privilege. Firstly: Racial issue: In the first episode of This is going to hurt, the Woman in labor is more comfortable with a Cis gendered white man delivering their baby instead of a black midwife which is particularly bizarre. Again here, black women are unempowered by others. This phenomenon is repeated in the next theater scenario when the white woman in caesarean is unwilling to let the Pakistan origin doctor Shruti to hold her newborn baby. It’s quite intriguing that even though the racial discrimination is clear, the racist herself refuses to admit the offensive fact. However fortunately, the establishing process of the characteristics of the character black midwife leader Tracy is being achieved by performative narrative. When consultant of the hospital Mr. Lockhart asks her why not put the alarm sector issue at the list, she answers him by saying “would you like me to take off the list to make time?” which is a very directly confronting way and reveals that she might be the real ‘assassin’ to kill Adam’s obsessive delusion. The second part: empower shifted. In the episode four when Adam faces in front of his senior consultant obstetrician Mrs. Houghton, he is asked to buy coffee for the team crew which was exactly what he urged his junior subordinate Shruti to do in the last chapter. By saying ‘why don’t you get around coffees in.’ Doctor Houghton empowers herself and underpowers Adam. In the next sequence, by saying ‘I wonder if you might allow me to perhaps do the caesarean.’ Adam puts himself in a weakening position of this power dynamic shifting relationship. Actor Ben Whishaw dissimulates Adam’s penance and awkwardness by a series of body gestures which is a real verisimilitude spectacular for the viewers. The formulaic onscreen depictions are limited along gender and racial lines emasculate the universal female experience of adulthood tragically. This demonstrates their success and respectability within the white dominated literary space. If we compare Shruti, Tracy and Doctor Houghton’s identity, we can see more clearly the distinction between their different representations. Embodiment and representation of Womanhood pregnancy stigma. The issue crucially being concerned about This is going to hurt is the women in labor. How they look life, how they feel and why this show is so cruel to our audiences. And, how those female patients around Doctor Adam enhance their feminized statement. Part of the complexity of misogyny is that women can be punished for stepping outside bounds of femininity, and for residing within those boundaries.In the episode five of This is going to hurt, when doctor shruti tells this middle-aged couple about the implausibility of being parents by saying ‘you only got one percent change to be successfully pregnant.’ We can see the agony and disappointment expressed by the wife’s face not by the husband. And, when we see the frame and composition of this reverse shot, the camera attempts to focus on captivating the woman’s facial expression. All the narrative in this dramatic space emphasizes how suffocating and struggling it is for women to accept the impossibility of being pregnant. The woman’s body, with its potential for gestating, bringing forth and nourishing new life, has been through the ages a field of contradictions: a space invested with power, and an acute vulnerability, a numinous figure, and the incarnation of evil, a hoard of ambivalences, most of which have worked to disqualify women from the collective act of defining culture. The pregnant woman is not identified as a sole entity, but as one figure in the interrelation between mother and child. The pregnant woman is subordinated to the interests of her unborn child. Women are simultaneously assigned to a passive role, as recipients of care and containers for their infants. Also in the episode five, when Doctor Adam operates a surgery for this nineteen-year-old girl to fix her vulva self-damage. It shows us the destructiveness and cruelty the performative normality and social constrictions have done to a young girl. Pregnancy is simultaneously one of the most embodied of human experiences and one of the most discursively regulated. The disciplinary power of discourse lies in producing types of knowledges and making specific kinds of subjectivities socially viable. The mother child dynamic is set up as the ultimate paradigm of the natural caring relationship, and therefore as the ultimate paradigm of all social relations. The mother child dyad is not seen as a particular social and cultural construct, nor is any consideration given to the fact that an ethics of caring may not be an appropriate approach to all forms of social interaction. Possibility of womanhood as a complex and idealized conjunction of a multiplicity of female identities: sexual, domestic, and so on, as a palliative for the narrative’s frequent focus on the question of women’s incompatible social roles. The narrative mode in This is going to hurt by only showing pregnant women condition in public sphere offers an idealized vision of family life and working motherhood. Through its blurring of the boundaries between home vibe and public vibe, it undermines patriarchal capitalism, a system which insists on keeping separate, gendered, and differently valued the two independent atmospheres. The distinction and conflict between public and private and feminist and feminine identities is irrevocably integrated. For example, when Shruti found out domestic violence track of a female pregnant patient from her bruises in arms and shoulders, she immediately took action to rescue the situation. However, when the dramatic complicity is reached out on climax, the midwife Tracy tells Shruti that we still are uncapable to do anything when the patient suffering from domestic violence confronts the same situation in her own house in the future. From here, we are aware that social resources are limited when intervening family issue. How can we change the traditional male approach to international politics by the re-traditionalization of gender.Paternalistic patriarchy.In the early capitalist regions of England and elsewhere, the putting out system, where urban capitalists employed rural households for parts of the production process, led to a strengthening of an archaized version of male household power, which in turn, paradoxically, turned women into a main production force in the early industrial revolution. The putting-out system was formal factorization, while industry make it a reality- outside the home, for the first time outside the reach of reproduction activity logic and rationale. The fact that the paternalistic framework differed from the male/female, production/reproduction-like spontaneous ideas of gender in our time has been underscored of intimacy and the body survived long into the modern age. The Paternalistic stereotypes contribute to justifying and maintaining a social system of gender inequality. There are gender stereotypes not merely descriptive but prescriptive, expressing expectations about how women ought to be. It assumes that women are weak, fragile, and incompetent, women who are subjected to benevolent sexism view themselves as less competent; such women are viewed by others as less competent; moreover, women who reject benevolent sexism are viewed as ungracious and cold. Attributions of non-traditional women’s supposed lack of warmth further serve to rationalize acts of discrimination. In political terms, paternalistic patriarchy was dismantled by democratic movements mainly among men, including the bourgeois revolutions that symbolically and sometimes literally cut off the heads of the old order. It is misleading to say that masculinity became more democratic, since what was involved was the fabrication or factorization of a new sense of identity. Equating difference with inequality provides men with an instrument to use violence against women when other forms of control no longer suffice. Collaboration and interdisciplinary exchange are key factors in terms of inclusiveness. In Foucault’s work, the idea of technologies of the self is part of an attempt to formulate a view of subjectivity that explains how individuals must draw on available discourses, and yet can act autonomously. Judith Butler is concerned with the production of subjectivity within the processes performatively through the repetition of given signs and norms. According to Foucault, agency should be located within the possibility of a variation on the repetition of norms and conceptualized in terms of a taking up of tools where the very taking up is enabled by the tools lying there. From this perspective, agency can be seen as self-reflexive adoption of a specific discourse, and we can extend this to kinds of acts which sartorial choices and uses of media technologies might indicate. Conclusion: Agency in post feminism: Post feminism is a set of ideologies, strategies, and practice that marshal liberal feminist discourses such as freedom, choice, and independence, and incorporate them into a wide array of media, merchandising, and consumer participation whose dynamic is a paradoxical double movement where the dissemination of discourses about freedom and equality functions as a hegemonic strategy to dilute those very politics, providing the context for the retrenchment of gender and gendered relations. The post in post feminism represents not only a temporality, or a backlash against feminism, but also a sensibility; core features of post feminism included an emphasis on individualism, choice, and agency, a resistance to interrogating structural gendered inequalities, and a renewed focus on a woman’s body as a site of liberation. Post feminism responds to a history of feminisms that have directly challenged media representations of women and the commodification of gender, and have focused on social realms including legal discourse, politics, and education. This post feminism sensibility authorized the individualism of women more than anything else, celebrating a kind of gendered freedom from both patriarchy and feminism, whereby women are apparently free to become all they want to be. Indeed, post feminism is enabled by a neoliberal capitalist context, where values such as entrepreneurialism, individualism, and the expansion of capitalist markets are embraced and adopted by women to craft their selves. Ultimately, abdication by feminist theory from the task of proposing a critical perspective on the authenticity of our felt needs and demands means that it necessarily remains locked into a legitimation of present social relations as offering the most appropriate management of needs spawned by it. Television has been historically and pejoratively constructed as a feminine medium. It is useful to contextualize such journalistic accounts of the perceived female takeover of television and discourses of the feminization of television with reference to the narratives of female success, empowerment and mobility that were circulating in the wider culture. Attendant process of detraditionalization and individualization have particularly destabilizing effects on key abstract collective categories and forms of modernity such as class, gender, identity. However, such postfeminist narratives and signs of female choice and empowerment, held up as marking the successes of feminism, betray the extent to which they simultaneously mark its incorporation, revision and depoliticization. Gendered hierarchies are reinstated through new subtle forms of resurgent patriarchal power. The characteristics associated with the feminine, including: the predominance of surface, simulation, and masquerade; the authority of the consumer; and a dedifferentiation of the social, involving a domestication of the public sphere, are understood to be the dominant aesthetics and practices of consumer culture. Gendered metaphors of television are also classifying metaphors in which the female viewer is once more constructed as the possessor the naïve gaze of mass consumerist culture against which the knowing gaze of the middle-class critic is constructed. Even though shifts are taking place regarding gender in contemporary culture, there is a need to be cautious of overstating the gains and freedoms open to women in the reflexive, post-traditional and post-feminist context of late modernity. There process fosters a reconfiguration of these central categories such as class, gender, and sexuality. This reconfiguring process is illustrated precisely by the reflection upon women’s liberation from the rules and norms of traditional gendered discourses wherein liberal feminist values should have been felt to become a common sense across culture landscape. References: Male roles, masculinities, and violence: a culture of peace perspectiveBreines, Ingeborg; Connell, Raewyn; Eide, Ingrid; UNESCO; Expert Group Meeting on Male Roles and Masculinities in the Perspective of a Culture of Peace. This is going to hurt: secret diaries of a junior doctor. Adam Kay. Men who hate women: from Incels to pick up artists: the truth about extreme misogyny and how it affects us all. –LAURA BATES. EVERYDAY SEXISM—LAURA BATES. Modern misogyny. Anti-feminism in a post-feminist era. Kristin j. Anderson. New femininities: post feminism, neoliberalism, and subjectivity. Edited by Rosalind Gill and Christina Scharff. Foucault and Feminism. --Lois Mcnay.Interrogating post feminism: gender and politics of popular culture, Yvonne Tasker and Diane Negra, editors. The history of sexuality volume 4: confessions of the flesh. –Michel Foucault. Dude, you are a fag: masculinity and sexuality in high school. –Pascoe, C.J. University of California Press.

This is going to hurt，hurt的不仅是患者，还有医生。

不同的是患者可能一生hurt这一次或几次，医生却要一直忍受某种痛苦，困在医院走廊、消毒水味、鲜血、生命和死亡里。

一开始看到shruti下班“sorry I really tried”那里还以为考试其实没通过（再次意识到自己的做题家思维，只能理解不通过考试的自杀，不能理解通过考试的自杀），后来发现shruti其实已经通过考试了才恍然大悟。

Be careful what u wish for，当你设定了你的true calling，当你用所有的过去、现在、未来的规划为其准备，然后你发现你命定的道路上——实习生、实习医生、咨询医生，你、五年后的你、十五年后的你，都困在同样的痛苦里。

当你发现你给自己订购了一个四十年期的地狱。

什么还能留下你？

而且最messed up的点在于，你痛苦的根源正是你慰藉的根源，你慰藉的根源也正是你痛苦的根源。

Shruti在奶酪店被接生过的病人家属认出，却无法真心地take the credit for it，因为你一旦爱生命、爱帮助他人的感觉，不把婴儿当做a bunch of cells而是真正地爱TA们，你就要预见到下一次失手的时候自己将要承受的无尽的痛苦。

所有的慰藉都是预付的货物，时间到了，又有血泪要偿。

日日如此。

这也是为什么妇产科是existential crisis的关键切入口，“生死疲劳”，在夜以继日的折磨里，人类依然本能地受苦、挣扎、分娩、延续。

疼痛难免，活着的人继续啜饮生活的苦味然后生生不息，在习惯中前进，哭笑、流血、降生，等待死去。

什么时候我国就真正文化自信了，就真正包容万象了。。。

我仍清楚的记得，小时候我父亲基本每天都要翻厚厚的书，我奇怪为什么他工作这么久了还要学习。

我母亲时不时就要自言自语的背一些护士考试的东西，或者医院的规章制度，以防突击检查。

如今，我也已经在同一个医院工作了多年，虽不是一线医疗工作者，但也为医疗工作而服务着。

这部剧拍的是如此真实，每每在人命面前，其他一切都无足轻重了，你周围亲近的人的感受，你同事对你的眼光看法，你晚上吃的饭是不是自己想吃的，外卖员有没有把你的外卖弄洒。。。

这些事情在急迫的“救命”面前，是那样的微不足道。

然而无奈的是，在这些你所在乎的别人的“急迫”结束之后，你自己的生活却又要时不时的给你当头一棒。。。

真希望我们国家也多拍一些真实的剧吧，不要每次一拍医院，就仿佛全国的医院都那样又明亮又干净又井然有序的，真的是。。。

越缺什么，越要彰显什么。。。

好像很久都没像读这本书一样，很快地看完了书和剧版，还迫不及待（略加强迫症）地希望安利给所有人，甚至想去所有我知道的评分网站上给它打满分——这真的是一本很好的书，也是一部被改编的很好的电视剧。

作为曾在留学期间领教过NHS的人，我时不时地还是会回忆起在NHS所属医院做手术的日子。

像梦一样，反复的希望与失望，每个对我笑脸相迎（以及在我还没从麻醉劲儿缓过神来的时候扶我去上厕所）的护士，甚至还有在手术等候室里遇到的一些与我同病相怜的人。

重新想想，那段日子我不知自己是如何熬过来的，但没有去埋怨过医生的不好，或是深究全麻手术之后也不给我住院一晚的原因——只是中西方差异而已，在英国做完手术马上就能吃薯片呢——时至今日，我看完了这本书，并通过BBC暗绿色的镜头重走了一次医院的楼道，我再次审视英国医疗系统里我所遇到的每个人、每件事，一切都变得揪心般难受。

我仿佛又坐回到人满为患的急诊区——不，是先回到前一天晚上出现症状后的惊慌失措。

打了急救电话，被告知我最好等第二天一大早再去急诊，因为半夜没有人会用那些精细的眼科仪器为我做检查——这和书里所说的现实完全如出一辙，尽管我的经历发生在这本书最初开始记录的10年后。

我来到急诊区，艰难地理解着我这辈子完全没听说过的医学单词。

因为病情可能过于严重且需要紧急做手术，所以我得以刚到没多久（应该在一小时以内）就见到了consultant。

我记得他当时带着一个年轻人，不知道是学生还是像Adam Kay一样的junior doctor，总之站在一旁，没有椅子。

那个房间为何会如此的昏暗呢，仿佛已经上过了一遍BBC的墨绿色滤镜——我的记忆确实如此。

手术过程不想再累述回忆。

毕竟是眼科，不像书里描述的妇产科病房那般血腥，我只记得从未接受过全麻手术的自己的无畏；第二次术前和麻醉科医生讨论前一次手术记录里我背上的红色圆圈是否为过敏反应（拔火罐的印子，幸好英国医生也知道这个来自东方的神秘古法）；那次手术好像正好是奥斯卡颁奖礼第二天，于是我睡过去之前医生还在跟我聊水形物语和爱乐之城的最佳影片颁奖乌龙事件……说到底，都是一个个很正常、很值得信赖的医生，我无从得知他们之前值了多久的班，但在我面前，他们是维持着一个很棒的状态。

后来在家休息了一年，重新回伦敦读书后，我说什么也要去私立做定期复查——我眼睛情况太差，NHS无止境的排队确实难以忍受，正好当时也认识了一个在私立做过手术的中国病友，认为那里的环境不错，医生也值得信任（似乎都是consultant级别）——每次复查完的账单残酷地为我验证了这一点。

我认识了永远对我很友善的前台和护士，每次都能约上一样的时间（对于一个满课的新闻专业学生而言实在是很重要），还能有一位亚裔医生为我看诊（能用中文解释的一瞬间真的很感激，因为你永远也不知道眼前会看到些什么、怎么描述）。

毕业前为了拍摄以视力障碍人士为主题的纪录片，麻烦了他们不少（没另外收我钱真是万幸）。

当时我也感叹过，一直给我看诊的那位医生为了帮我，起了个大早，赶在上午出诊前接受我的采访。

就为了那一点说来简单的“意义”，我们都能坚持多少呢？

像Adam Kay所言，最终能撑下去的都是靠医生心里的那一点热情。

这次看完剧之后，我在网上搜了不少评价（好吧是上班摸鱼没事干）。

一个论点是提到这都发生在Brexit、pandemic之前，十几年过去，大部分可能还是没有发生变化，机制上的问题仍然根深蒂固，值得所有人反思。

另一个论点则是提到这类医疗剧的现实性，认为这部剧仍然只是一个mainstream medical drama，是在BBC播出，它能在多大程度上做到批判现实？

但医疗剧又是一个独特的题材，因为做的越真实，就会越无聊、越血腥，观众也就越发难以接受。

于是拍电视剧的时候，很多件事都要交给同一个医生去做，对病人来说“死亡”似乎还变成了一件有意义的事情——其实在医院里这可能最没有意义。

现在的我已经毕业开始工作，也陷入了对职业意义的虚无主义中。

可能和医院类似，新闻行业是另一个永动机，因为24小时都有事情在发生，电视里24小时都需要有东西在播出。

这个行业缺了谁都可以，总有其他人还在踩踏板，让一切继续转动。

加班变成了很顺理成章的事情，完全没有了自己生活的人成功当上了领导。

但我常常会问身边的朋友，你们需要一整天都看到新闻吗？

你们真的需要一整天都接收到各种各样的信息吗？

吃瓜的时候有考虑过有多少人还在维护、更新消息吗？

本喵说，这部剧是献给NHS工作人员的一封情书。

然后我就在某个网站的评论区看到有人说：这可能是NHS最近能收到的唯一一封情书了……无论是医疗，还是新闻行业，还是其他任何辛苦又缺少变革的行业，我都对在那里工作的人抱有最大的尊敬，并对背后的机制怀有最深的恨意。

（话是这么说，班还不是得上么，能咋地。

）