心向快乐第一季

标题来自于Mae在她现实中的stand up comedy opening中最喜欢说的一句话，很可爱也很讽刺。

剧情本身就是女同爱上直女之后的爱恨纠缠，剧情以外有趣的东西可就太多了。

Childhood matters (Google Scholar)Mae在表演中“吐槽”过很多次她的家庭，让我印象比较深的一个是她模仿她妈妈（为什么不能添加视频烦）她和她妈妈聊天说觉得自己成年人生活“flat”，妈妈：“大概因为你很久没吸毒也没对任何人上瘾了。

”然后她开始模仿父母一边开第五瓶酒一边谈论着自己的孩子说不知道孩子怎么长成这样是遗传了谁。

（来源：Netflix Mae Martin专辑）我不知道Mae对自己的童年定义到底是快乐还是不快乐，但我觉得她既然选择用这句话做开场，一定是有所思考的。

We all need a little addiction to get through this fucking miserable life. Her addiction is love relationships and straight women.她本人也是性取向流动性的行走代言人。

油管有很多采访，当然还有她自己的演出里都有提到，她觉得自己不符合LGBT任何一个角色，并且认为这样的标签很无趣。

20岁之前的她，有过小男友，20-30是和女孩子们度过的美好时光，现在30出头又重新开始与男性约会, she really is something else!（我很喜欢的一本相关话题的书： https://www.douban.com/note/718891946/ ）能够把自己的生活搬上银幕，让无数观众产生共鸣，不是才华是什么？

Lisa Kudrow 看过《老友记》的人都不会对Phoebe这个角色无印象。

剧中大部分时间Lisa都是在电话视频里出现，就零星几句台词，我仿佛看到了我爱的那个神经质却有原则的Phoebe，也是六个人里我最爱的角色。

In case you never watched Friends, let me tell you what I love about Phoebe Buffay. She had two moms and a dad. One mom killed herself when she was 13, another showed up in her life until she was 26 and dad went to prison. Yet she turned out fine. The society failed her, but she chose not to revenge. She had seen the worst in humanity but still loves the world as it is. This is the true heroism.George.16岁对同性一无所知的我真的就是用互联网自学成才。

12岁可以用网络来自学英文，对于爱情又何尝不可？

22岁的我在感情中遇到问题时，仍然会向Google求助。

在她身上我看到了我第一任女友&初恋的影子，在所有人面前我永远都是她的“朋友”。

用我最喜欢的两句台词结尾Love really does make people Feel Good.Now, What's your addiction?

不算快，断断续续两天刷完吧。

看的时候内心真的有太多太多的想法、声音还有共鸣了…总感觉片子就好像我自己的人生，感受到很多，在自我探索中的问题，与直女恋爱中的问题等等…其实片子本本身确实也有可圈可点的地方，想很多短评也暴露出了每个人看这个片子的角度和侧重点，包括这当然也受个人经历的影响。

先从我觉得不足的地方着手，确实比起我以往看的很多les电影来说，比起那些，这部更加现实和现在，可能电影只有两个小时，所以不论《Blue is…color》（很多人也提到）或者最近看的《烧女图》，电影总是试图在两个小时把情感表达的最浓烈，剧情的曲折和复杂度也并不会这么高。

也是因为这样的对比，所以总让我觉得Mae和G之间的感情不够浓烈。

（但也可能是演员的问题也未可知）。

片子选了一条主线或者topic，就是所谓t（gay）与直女之间的爱情。

在这很想提一下，其实很多人都并不想定义自己的取向，就像我自己，这也是我很有共鸣的一点，就像J在厕所里问Mae，你是lesbian吗？

Mae说“我不想label myself”，这一点我就很有共鸣，我相信取向是流动性的，我看起来像tomboy就不代表我一定是gay，这便是一个探索自己的过程，限制住自己反而会让自己更struggle。

所以另外一个地方，这部片子在对于性取向的探索上也让我很有共鸣。

我既有过G对于自己是否是gay而困扰，又很能理解Lava和Mae说，不要把时间花在不是你圈子不了解你的人身上。

确实，直女在姬圈中就是一个非常棘手的存在。

或者也如我所说，“并没有真正的直女，所谓直女是还没有找到能触动她的那个女孩。

”作为t不代表就不能女孩了。

我太能理解Mae对与自己gender “in between”的那种感受了。

“我既不是男孩，也算不上女孩，我就是freak”，这是很多queer可能都会有活动心理活动，总觉得自己的gender不能融入这个社会，以及这个社会对性别的定义，于是觉得自己是不被爱和奇怪的。

但其实不是，我们，queer，要做到只是我们自己。

我对于这种小t 有点小撒娇太喜欢了。

我真的很喜欢这种物理上的错觉，看起很帅气的女孩，但其实也有女孩的一面，内心的敏感，想要come的渴望，想被拥抱和爱，而且可0可1。

我很欣赏Mae也是因为，她总是很平和（至少看起来），可能面瘫？

哈哈哈哈。

我并不太想把它当成浪漫爱情片看，比起浪漫理想式爱情，这部更多的在反映，每一对les情侣，或多或少都会有过的、出现的问题。

尤其是当她俩闹分手那一段，其实就很能看出问题。

我太能理解，包括我自己也有过这种心理活动，和一个“直女”或曾有过男朋友的女生在一起，其实内心或多或少会有一种不满足，和差距就在于，自己不是男生，给不了一段“正常”婚姻或未来，该有的样子。

我们也希望和自己爱的女人，可以相爱，making love，jizzing，and have a baby，但是我们不可以，因为我们不是男人。

但退一步，如果我们要这么想，那便又是把自己局限住了…在她俩分手以前那一次sex，也是里面对我最有感觉的一段…当G感觉快要come的时候对Mae说“come inside me…”，其实这几句真的很伤人，也很戳，正中下怀的感觉。

Mae的回复也真的太精准了：“ I would love to，but I physically can't！

” 这正是我们所缺失，但也是最大的不同。

It reminds me of me and my ex, I am obsessed with making love with her, but the only thing missing is that I really hope I can go inside her, and either she, when we were high. That is supposed to be a “normal” sex....我也很赞同这是一部关于诚实的影片，不论在爱情、工作、生活中，其实我们都要保持诚实，才能让双方顺利的沟通。

每次Mae和G有争吵的时候，两边说的话其实都很有道理。

（争吵的台词写的很tricky）各有各的理，只是有没有站在对方的角度考虑。

比如在party上，G想和朋友们出柜，就希望Mae不要老盯着她，自己去跳舞，但Mae觉得，你如果要出柜那就大大方方牵着我的手帮我化解尴尬啊。

其实两方都没有错，但两边必须相互理解。

包括G和Binky后来的谈话，G埋冤B他们在她分手后不来问候，B觉得如果你是真的伤心那就主动来和我们说啊，你不和我们说就好像不是真爱一样。

其实两边也都在理，看谁能先理解谁。

聪明人就不要去纠结了。

至于说t粘人的，可能是每个人经历不同，我觉得这种依赖挺顺理成章的，作为一个父母那么刻薄的t，包括小时候有过那么多创伤，能到现在这样温柔可爱善解人意，真的是奇迹了，当然不可避免，她真的需要一个人依靠和拥抱。

感受就写到这，HE我很满意，当然如果拍第二季，未来可能还会有更多的问题冒出来。

也期待第二季，更期待自己能有个女朋友，好想谈恋爱啊啊💕💕btw，还想再提一下，Mae在里面真的是赚大了🙃各种人都亲了一遍，见谁就问“do u wanna have sex...”哈哈哈哈哈。

而且每次还一脸面瘫的“that will be so cool.”太可了哈哈哈哈。

还有对于那个老师说，“如果你不教孩子们LGBTQIA这方面的话题那是你的问题，这是sexual health课程…你们班还有两个学生是trans呢！

”真的很暖心，为学校有这样的开明的眼光感到开心。

End…2020.4.6In USA

其实，不得不承认一点，相较于艺术电影《燃烧女子的图像》，像《迷醉伦敦》这样的轻松又带些许感动的生活剧情更加具有引起广泛共鸣的能力。

作为一位脱口秀演员，梅马丁其实选择了一种相对边缘的生活方式，然而我想，导演表现的她的情感状态，恰恰是告诉我们，其实很多时候的我们也遇到同样的感情困惑。

我们， 即是，又不是梅马丁。

首先，在感情上，在美好的爱情面前，我们每个人都或多或少是梅马丁。

在梅马丁第一次上台表演时，她用阅读一些文献的幽默比喻来自嘲视奸前任的行为，这在les群体是一个普遍的现象，细腻的心思让我们无法抹去那些曾经的感情关系留下的痕迹，也无法做到对一个曾经同床共枕互相进入身体的实实在在的女生完全忘怀，心软大概les的通病，虽然很多人口是心非。

很难想象，一个人进入了你的生活，把你从一开始平平淡淡才是真的日子中揪出来，然后，有一天，在一切都努力向着未来的美好迈进的途中急刹车，这个时候那个美好的未来成了雾中风景，你的车也不知道往何处开。

然而，现实生活中，大多数恋上直女的les是成为相对失败的角色，因为直女向来贪图一时的暧昧，并非真心一往无前。

在爱情中，更多的时候是抱定必败的心态让我们彻底丧失了修补或者缝合感情裂痕机会的原因。

而这种不坚定，恰恰就是梅马丁不能持续稳定的维系一段关系的原因。

这一部分是因为在过去的经历中，父母与她的关系不甚乐观，致使她潜意识当中认为自己会成为一个失败的人，可以说是一种不自信的表现；另一方面，这种心态让她更倾向于在一段关系中成为过渡依赖对方的形象，这很大程度上为一段本来就稍显脆弱的关系加上了压力。

在剧中，当梅马丁逃跑之后，一切似乎搞砸了之后，对方再次出现在面前。

然而，很多时候，有些情侣感情之间的小裂缝恰恰被迟迟的等待而不至所撕裂成鸿沟。

其实，我们很多时候的太强烈的代入感会让我们在现实生活中迷失自我，想象着自己活成自以为的剧中人物，然而，这种即刻的涟漪对我们的整个生活宏观上并不造成特别大的影响。

但是，我们确实需要这样的情感营养品。

我自觉自己也算容易成瘾的人，还低自尊，所以很懂这剧里的痛点。

有自知之明所以不敢碰任何赌毒…比起Mae是好在我没有那么狂躁。

我觉得自己对亲密关系成瘾真的是the saddest thing ever heard.不知道是爱眼前这个人还是单纯需要找个人满足自己的成瘾需求。

更别提找了个直女了，更加煽动自己不安情绪。

听对方说分手之后比起女生会找男生就心里很堵。

从理性角度来看，其实这不能代表任何事，并不是说这段感情是“一时兴起”或者“错误”，只是她本身更容易被男性吸引而已。

但是听起来就很沮丧。

心中某处总觉得哪天必须要面对自己成瘾这个事情，对现在的感情不能百分百投入。

Life is suck.

她其实是需要被人保护的 外表帅气内心脆弱的像只小绵羊🐑特别能够理解她的焦虑 不安 依赖可能有时候像是一种投射 和父母的关系和喜欢的直女怎么相处(这种相处模式有些消耗乔治)和lesbian怎么相处(lava在某些时候还是挺迷人的，不过生气打翻碗的时候还挺吓人的)和异性怎么相处 ，要知道在某些异性恋男性眼里只要你是个女孩，就可能是他们的猎物 所以不存在纯粹的异性好友 (mae和那个男人只是，在逃避问题)

现在时间是2020/6/6 凌晨5:20 时间停留在520上 我写完这句话 它变成了5:21我不清楚大家身边是否有同性恋的朋友，准确来讲，我不知道怎么称呼他们会显得更尊重一些。

对于“同性”，我经历了不解到理解，支持再到感同身受。

《断背山》让我理解了这样的感情，而《心向快乐》让我感同身受。

同性题材的电影也看了一些，比如《霸王别姬》，却怎么也没有《断背山》和《心向快乐》让我更有感触。

幼年的我，无法想象两个大男人在一起是什么样子的，他们如何做爱？

2005年李安导演的《断背山》上映，我是在电脑上下载来看的，只是单纯的因为它的名气。

我没想到的是，我会看到哭。

《断背山》中关于形婚背后的女人，孩子，家庭占着很大的比重，这些都是为了体现出当时社会对于“同性恋”的态度。

即使，会觉得女人可怜，可是更多程度上会把同情心给男主。

他们似乎，也确实更为艰难一些。

电影名称断背山，这是全片的主旨，象征所在。

Jack在剧中对Ennis说道：我们本可以相伴度过美好的一生，真正的美好人生，有个属于我们自己的家园，但你却不想要，恩尼斯，所以我们只剩下断背山！

一切都缘起于断背山，而那确实我们的一切，仅有的一切。

断背山似乎就是他们心中的圣地，在世界上唯一能够做自己，正视自己情感的地方。

他们每次的相聚都需要去断背山，而我希望那里都是断背山。

任何地方都可以让人们做自己。

在他们最后一次的相聚中，jack说：我们认识将近20年，你拴的我好辛苦...... 当我时隔15年再看它的时候，我才发现真的会发生这样的情况。

我们都无法正视自己的情感，在悠悠岁月中，在彼此的生活中进进出出，这样会让脆弱的那一方多么痛苦。

最终如同剧中的人物一样，“打架”，“争吵”，“纠缠”再拥抱着痛哭。

电影的最后一刻，出现了jakc的衣服和断背山的照片，随着Ennis悲伤的眼神，好像那一刻就被融化掉了。

真正的理解他们，真的替他们感到难过，如果你也掉下了眼泪，说明你真的理解了。

很长一段时间我都喜欢听其中的插曲《IDon'tWantToSayGoodbye》，当真的去了解一件事物的时候，真的就会自然而然的去理解这样的情感。

有一位“同志”曾经多次找我聊天，他表明身份的时候，我得去向他解释我是直男。

他有一个微信群，我在其中。

我真的有“接触”这群人，一起玩王者荣耀，喜欢玩蔡文姬的小受受，挺可爱的。

这些年间，国外彩虹活动，同性立法等等新闻很多。

我从开始的理解转变为支持。

我和人讨论过关于“同性”的话题，大多人避而不谈或是充满偏见。

我表示出，我很支持的时候，他们问我，你儿子如果是同性恋怎么办？

我当时犹豫了。

原来我的理解，支持，从来没有放在自己身上。

我思考了3分钟，告诉他们，如果他是的，我也会支持。

我会支持他过自己想要的人生。

以上，是我对于“同性”的一段心路历程。

而《心向快乐》，让它变成了我的感同身受。

原来爱情，无关性别。

不管你是同性恋，还是异性恋，那情感是一样的。

梅·马丁是一个有着吸毒史的脱口秀演员，她有着糟糕的过去，包括现在。

乔吉则是一个异性恋。

梅是一个有上瘾型人格的人，精神脆弱，缺乏安全感，任何时候都可能会崩溃。

像是待在暗黑的地牢之中，期待着会照进来一道光。

而乔吉就是她的这一道光。

在乔吉朋友的生日上，乔吉还是称梅为朋友，这不是第一次隐瞒梅的存在了。

之前在一次婚礼上也是。

这对于缺乏安全感的梅来说，对于缺乏安全感的我来说，真正的感同身受。

你是否爱上一个人，你们在一起，你却从不认识她/他的家人，甚至是朋友？

我不如梅，我没有她的自信，我没有勇气面对对方的家人，朋友。

如果连我的存在，都不知道，我真的会不知所措。

在生日过后，一次意外，由于吗啡的作用，乔吉出柜了。

一个人进入了一个新的领域，乔吉自然也会有着迷茫。

两个人因为取向，性别的原因，分手了。

两个人分开之后，乔吉开始明白一些事情。

她问自己的那些朋友：我们多久没有谈过正经的话题了？

最后说出：“你们算什么朋友？

” 然后清楚自己真正的朋友是谁。

而梅则在互助会，拿着1day的牌子，这意味着她又复吸了。

彼此不喜欢的两个互助会成员开始了“互助”谈话。

像大多数可以让人暂时麻木自己的东西一样，我们似乎永远停不下来。

我们从未想过，我们真正“吸毒”的原因，如果因为某一件事，我们尝试把它做好不就行了。

而不是什么都不做，等它变坏，然后再解除“痛苦”。

梅在经历了一切之后，她对着手机那头的母亲说，我想回家。

原本有些“生分”，赶她离家的母亲说，现在就给她订票，询问她有去机场的钱吗,给她打钱，现在就让梅的父亲给梅煮汤......梅问道：你还生不生我气？

母亲说，我从未生过你的气。

这句话，好熟悉。

我母亲好像就曾这样对我说过，你是我孩子，我怎么会生你的气。

结尾的时候，乔吉对梅说，我不知道没了你 我该怎么办。

结局是两个人相拥，亲吻，是美好的。

我们大多数人在恋爱的时候，都会觉得没了对方，我怎么办？

我怎么活？

生活毕竟是生活，我们把一切交给时间，而时间确实也做到了，我们也放下了。

《心向快乐》是一部女同题材的英剧，可以让你一口气看完，我 也推荐你利用一个周末，午后，一气呵成。

《心向快乐》它关于“瘾”，关于“朋友”，关于“亲人”，关于“爱情”。

我们每个人似乎都或多或少的有瘾。

吸烟？

看剧？

对某一个人的依赖？

心理学说，成瘾性人格都存在一定的缺陷。

当然，我们都有缺陷。

对某个事物越是在乎，就越缺少它。

关于朋友，人总会遇到好多好多的朋友。

区分起来可能会简单，谁是能和你讨论正经话题的人。

或者一直在你身边，你都未曾发现。

关于亲人，主要就是父母。

我想着没什么好谈的，因为做子女的，永远不会知道父母对他的爱到底有多么重。

我们可以满不在乎，但是当这个世界开始崩坍瓦解的时候，那个家却永远为你遮风挡雨。

至于爱情，我们分手的原因，我们选择了理性，选择对彼此都好的决定。

明明很在乎，却要不断安慰自己。

实际上我们只是做了“容易”的选择罢了。

想象一下，对方在深渊里，你是否真的愿意做他/她的一道光。

从《断背山》到《心向快乐》，当有天，它们的标签不再是“同性”，而是“爱情”的时候。

人们或许才真正的接受了。

此刻，它们是因为爱情，让我感同身受的。

谢谢！

🥰个人公众号“夏七海” 只有28个粉丝的我 嘿嘿

George的想法其实挺多人也会认同，就是爱情不一定非要分享生活中的全部，应该彼此留点空间，但如何把握之中的平衡点？

这才是至关重要的。

而Mae这段对于流动的性取向的探讨也是很有意思，也道出了很多人的心声，对于straight girls，自己的去男性化特征是否是劣势，以及对于自我认同和归属感的问题，自己到底是属于男性还是女性，抑或是两者都不是的一个失败品？

成瘾的不只是毒品，它可以拓展到生活的任一方面，游戏、音乐、兴趣爱好，甚至是一个人，whatever “that you crave, but you can’t give up despite it having negative consequences.”

不被标签定义，活出最真实的自己，心向快乐。

心向快乐阳光有不可抵当的穿透力，在每天清晨给人带来希望的力量，它炽烈但它又温柔的，它让您感知生命的神奇，给你未来的希望，每一片叶子都是不同的，正如我们每一个人，活出自己的味道来，清楚自己想要的是什么。

才是最重要的。

愿你目标明确，终会如愿。

我们一直在找属于自己的那抹阳光，其实一直在我们身边，只要我们心向阳光，愿你心向太阳，永不熄灭。

心向快乐所谓空谷，有些人想到的是悬崖峭壁，而有些人想到的却是栈道桥梁。

我认为，后者是有希望走出空谷的，因为他没有逃避，而乐观地面对空谷。

人生处处在险境，而要成为最终的成功者，就需要比别人多一份勇气，多一份乐观，让自己的心灵充满阳光，才能迎来人生的春暖花开。

拥有一轮乐观的朝阳，让如明月照花的清光铺满心向快乐老涩的心田。

世上没有绝望的深渊，只有你推开乐观的阳光后恒久的黑暗。

我最敬佩的是沈从文先生，当初在牛棚中暗无天日地生活着，他却淡然地说:“这里的荷花开了，阳光落下来，你若来看……”在这样耻辱的重压下，他的内心竞如此空明一片！

他是个拥有阳光的人，他用心中乐观的阳光照亮漆黑夜晚，也照亮了阴霾的社会，黑暗与绝望蚀不了他肉体与灵魂，他将拥有恒久的灿烂。

Yes, I titled my review by using Jeanette Winterson’s biography for reference. It is true if you look it up in Douban, a Chinese version IMDB/Facebook, Feel Good will in the recommendation list as the searching result. In this website, people retitle this show as ‘Drunk in London’. It is accurate to use Drunk to describe the main character Mae Martin’s life predicament. She wants to get on the right path but couldn't help making a mess, she tries to be normal but cannot get rid of the psychological hint that ‘You need to accept you have a problem’, she wants to build up a stable intimate relationship but loses control due to emotional insecurity. But I still prefer the original title ‘Feel good’. It is hard to be normal in this high-demand world, feeling good is enough.The encounterAfter watching the series in one sitting, I can safely say Mae Martin is the second gay girl character I feel myself fall in love with after Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack. (Sorry, Suranne!) She is a special friend being with me in this strange self-isolation period. Can I call it love in the time of cholera? I couldn’t help replaying the scene Mae and George encountering and kissing in the pub. How romantic it is when you find someone in the crowd only laughing at your stuff, getting your point while you’re being ignored by others. England’s rose and the Canadian corn are like a blazing fire and dry wood. It is not all about how a tomboy chase a straight girl and how a straight girl seduce an unconfident lesbian. This is a vibrant start that I bet each girl is longing for. You might have a relatable journey that you are falling for a person who is not of the same clan but you think the fate drops from the clouds and the refreshing relationship will be working between you two. After oversharing with a stranger, you believe you have a bond and that’s hard to find in life.

Things usually happen like that, but most beautiful encounters will not end in well. Five minutes past, Mae and George are standing inside and outside the curtain, which implies George is stepping into her life and will be a part of her story. In fact, it does. This is the most subtle camera structure in EP1. It reminds me of how I met my exes, how we consume each other and how I lost them in the end. I suddenly realise I see my own reflection in Mae’s pupils when she says ‘I am not intense’.

Between normal and abnormalIt is rather to say Feel Good is a dark story than rom-com. At least, let’s say it is a heart-breaking life story dress like a love story. Mae Martin's tribulations she experienced in her career, family, and relationships are the main topics of the show. Before that, I’ve had enough of messy ‘permutation and combination’ style relationships in The L Word. Hetero audience hunt for novelty in LGBT TV drama but ignore character’s daily concerns as ordinary persons. They also have issues of how to repair the parent-child relationship, how to express who they really are in front of their friend who is always in the dominant position. Feel good has a unique texture with life-like characters. Each character in this show is so real. Their witty dialogues tickle my fancy all the time.I can feel the director and the writer manage to keep up a high level of real emotions throughout the show and they capture characters’ dazzling personalities with a brisk pace. In this story, Mae and George are both like premature babies in the incubates, waiting for growth to be big, confident flowers. The director did not portray them as aliens but show strong empathy to care their own inner development. We witness their journeys in pain and sober.My inner journey of watching "Feel Good" is like a roller-coaster.E1: Oh!!! Mae and George are just adorable! E2: Well...I changed my mind. I'd better stand for Mae and Lava?E3: It is a bloody embodiment of "Please never date a straight girl unless you want to date for floods of tears."

Mae is an authentic, awkward, blunt, needy, sensitive girl with forlorn hope on George’s love. In her whole life, she has felt she is not in the right place. There is ‘other place’ she supposes to be. She thinks people are just swapping one addiction for another, while George is her another addiction. My favourite scene is in the EP3. Mae feels humiliated and a bit angry when being told to enjoy the party. Her confession broke my heart for real.‘You grew up rich and white and straight and hot, you won the lottery. Of course, you want to dance. You're surrounded by people that want to fuck you. Of course, I don't want to dance in front of people that would have bullied me in high school. And you are too ashamed to touch me. If you want me to feel confident then hold my hand.’It is not a gay thing. Any underrepresented people could relate to it. There used to be a moment you thought someone in the crowd could see you, but now you found this person knew nothing about your feelings. You notice the intangible huge gap between you. That really hurts. As the representative of straight girl, Binky holds the opinion that ‘birds of a feather flock together’ by bring Mae and her lesbian cousin together. It is like saying ‘Hey gay girl should stay in your small bubble. That is the norm.’ You all know the hilarious result. Two girls hi each other and ‘see you’ soon. I laughed at this stuff not because there is less possibility for two Tomboys to fall in love with each other (on the contrary, they may slag off each other), but shocked by people’ ignorance that they think a lesbian will definitely like another lesbian since your are of the same kind. Come on. We are all human beings having clear love and hate. The gentle satire to some self-righteous people is one of the highlighted moments in this show. Sorry, your norm is ridiculous.

People distorts the definitions of ‘normal’ and fasten it to the minority. I became to realise the reason why the writer did not let Mae choose Lava, another lesbian girl who’s crush on her, even though a lot of my friends stand for them. ‘If you were my girlfriend, I’d make you come in under a minute.’ is the coolest line in this show. Lava is cold but affectionate in her own way. The writer probably wants to break the stereotype that it is easier to love your own kind. I think Mae must bottle a hidden line up: Hey, I cannot love you just because you are lesbian too.Reframe your selfAfter watching it a second time, I changed my impression of George. I shouldn’t have been so mean to her when I watched the first time last week. This time, I see her struggling in her new identity. She hurries so much to put lesbian label on herself by saying ‘I have a girlfriend’ to the wedding photographer and ‘I belong to here. I finger my girlfriend a lot’ to the bartender, in order to cover up her inner uncertainty. ‘Your sobriety. Your gender identity. Is there anything isn’t my responsibility?’ She is facing the greatest pressure in her life. Being with Mae is like pulling up seedlings in her mind to help herself grow, in friendship, and in the workplace. But actually, the key point is not about learning how to be a lesbian. Instead, she needs to learn how to express a real herself, uncover her real feelings to the people surrounded, just like Binky says ‘If you are bothered, just tell us.’ There is another storyline of Mae’s narcotics anonymous meeting. This kind of support group is quite common to see in British/American dramas, like Killing Eve and Flack. As a student with a coaching background, I feel negatively surprised to see team members sitting in a circle and saying ‘I am an addict’ followed by self-introduction. Is it really work to settle a matter by giving themselves psychological suggestion that they still have problems? Or they just gather to find I am not the worst one. In EP 4, Lisa Kudrow hits the nail on the head. Everyone feel better or you feel better when people address the elephant in the room? Every time when Mae suffers a setback in relationship with George, she turns to Maggie and Lava. However, the temporary sense of belonging is self-deception.Like her mother, Mae is a strong, impulsive, stubborn women. But she also has the vulnerable side.‘But you told me you loved me first. That was the best moment of my life. I’m embarrassed. I let myself think that someone like you could be with someone like me. I’m not a boy. I’m not even a girl. I’m like a failed version of both. Why am I such a freak?’ She has so many feelings. What she wants is being accepted as what she is, being stick with a new healthy addiction. That is George. In the last episode in season 1, Mae decides to return to George. The plot seems to quite rush. I wouldn’t say they are the perfect couple and I still doubt the relationship will last. But I would like to regard them as a pair of ‘learning buddy’ in this journey. George is the still and quiet habitat and Mae is the Pac-Man. Story is over. Life needs to go on. They both have too much to learn, not only for love but for lives.Alien they seem to be. No mortal eye could see. The intimate welding of their history. by Thomas HardyOther things I want to addressBesides main characters, each supporting role is so lovely: Phil, Binky, Mae’s father, the bartender, and the bellboy in horror hotel. I love the script! I am especially impressed by Mae’s father. He has the wisdom of affairs handling and can read people’s mind accurately.

"You are still and strong, you wear your heart on your sleeves, you are fiercely passionate." ‘Your young lady must be needing you now. She’s off on her own, adrift in uncharted seas.’He is absolutely one of the best father roles I’ve ever seen.Now I can say I am ready to graduate from Feel Good after finishing this review. Thank you, Lisa, you remind me of the scotch egg I’ve had in Yorkshire. I am glad you enjoy it too. I will probably visit Blackpool to see the beautiful sunset one day. See you guys in season 2!

by Lssiedusky2020.3.31

Feel Good is a low budget 6-episode TV show which mysteriously skipped my attention when it was first brought up by a friend: probably because it features no big star (Lisa is one, but in a small role), and British TV shows like Fleabag and Killing Eve have raised the bar very high now. However, one night, I started to watch the first episode and was very impressed. The not so sub plot of addiction is so well-written. I really like it when Mae (its main character shares the same name with the writer and lead actor, which is a bit confusing) expands the definition of ‘addiction’: ‘it’s all the same feelings, craving, and withdrawl, and relief, and obsession. We are just swapping one addiction for another’. By doing that, Mae Martin (I will use the full name when referring to the creator) connects the love story and Mae’s struggle to stay clean together. Mae Martin challenges the audience to view addiction as not only a struggle among a group of people, but something many of us face when being in a toxic relationship with partners, or, say, social media. By then, I am convinced Feel Good is quite good because the creators know ‘nuances’. Its focus on addiction also reminds me of Killing Eve S2, the key word for its 2nd season is ‘obsession’. While both handle compulsive/toxic feelings between people/people and object, Killing Eve’s take on obsession is disappointing, Feel Good, on the other hand, only gets better episode by episode.Story aside, I am mesmerized by how the show introduces the love story to the audience. It is fast-paced. As Guardian remarks, ‘Feel Good moves so quickly and lightly that it seems impossible it could also be managing to construct characters and burrow into psyches as deeply and empathically as it does.’ You never need to fast-forward; it’s densely-packed but you won’t feel stressful; the plots mingle effortlessly. It takes 30 seconds for Mae and George to fall in love with each other. I love how unconventional and unapologetic it is. I love how an LGBTQIA (bless Joyce) story focus on how the two lovers enjoy their relationship (at least for the most part) without giving too much attention to how they are unsure if the other is into them, or suffering from loneliness because they can’t find a partner. Of course the loneliness issue exists and there is suffering, but there are many representations of those already. Feel Good shows how the relationship can be the start, rather than the ending, of a story. I also like how the struggles of Mae and George are more about themselves making choices than them being in disagreement with a suffocating society. It is refreshing to see not only Mae’s parents, but George’s mother, support their sexuality. Mae’s gig pals don’t make a fuss about her having a girlfriend. The roommate Phil is an angel. The lead of the support group is a gay man; Lava is loved by her mother regardless of her sexuality. While Binky’s husband and his friends are ‘piece of shit’, I don’t see them as homophobic (I could be wrong though). The show demonstrates that everyone can and should be nice to LGBT+ community. I like how Feel Good doesn’t use societal approval as a trope; instead, it allows us to see Mae and George as individuals who make their own decisions. Yes, sexuality is and will be important in their lives, but they don’t let it to devour them, they can still breathe.The relationship is beautifully written and wonderfully performed. I mean THE CHEMISTRY!! Yes there is sex. As Mae Martin said, she didn’t want the lesbian sex to be voyeuristic. I congratulate her in doing a fantastic job!! Feel Good has amazing sex scenes: they are romantic, witty, hilarious, and honest. The director and writers make sure the sex scenes are not about sex/lust only, they are also about female pleasure. Mae and George communicate and share their sexual preferences; they don’t force their fetish on the other, instead, they ask politely. The show doesn’t mystify lesbian sex: even lesbians can’t cum and that’s ok! Feel Good has achieved what Sex Education has done: it has educated people (older than high schoolers) how to have sex, and more importantly, how to discern when the relationship is going south. There are nudity scenes and they are (quite literally) serving the plot: it is when Mae feels most vulnerable physically. The paradox of the physicality and the personality is, however, not restricted to gay people. Mae is struggling because she believes however hard she tries, she can never have George in the long haul because George is ‘culturally straight’. George, however, insists this idea is just in Mae’s head. (Or is it?) It becomes apparent that the couple is not on the same page on many things. Mae is shy but she wants public validation of their relationship: she wants to be blessed by George’s family and friends. George is popular (win the lottery) but she is ultra private when it comes to Mae. She points out her friends just want to crack a joke and emotions (mind, not sexuality), for them, is gross. Eventually, George will have to face her own real emotions. There is a moment where Mae questions why George never like/retweet her social media stuffs. As Fleabag says ‘Hair is everything’, the (non)usage of social media, I argue, is (almost) everything. This again shows the discrepancy between the couple – which, of course, is normal; in every relationship/friendship, such disagreements happen and that’s what makes this show so relatable. It is interesting to note that the dynamic between the two flows all the time. I find myself on the side of Mae and then I am on George’s side! For example, the first episode shows Mae concealing her addiction history from George, which is a bit dishonest; but George also makes Mae think she’s already mentioned her to her friends while actually she’s dating some Crenshaw dude. I find it especially interesting that while George is portrayed as a cold person (she leaves Mae alone in a party; she’s rather cold towards Phil etc etc), Mae can also be quite aloof – check what she does to Lava. When she says let’s not share this with Maggie, it is as if George were saying let’s not tell my friends now. Talking about George and her friends, I really like how the show does about their friendship. It shows that those friendships, even though ‘long haul’, are not necessarily genuine. Indeed, things can be tricky, if not scary, when friends finally choose to be honest with each other, right?Binky’s husband and friends are hilarious characters, but the show makes sure not all the male characters are caricatured. I like Phil a lot; he’s giving me the neighbor who ended up marrying Hannah’s boyfriend’s sister in Girls, especially when he’s mentioning all the baby stuffs. Mae’s dad is a charming character; but I am not sure if he’s a good dad. His ‘Oh I need to check the garden’ is a specimen of dad type, who leaves all the dirty job of communicating with kids to mums. The show also inserts in a MeToo story plot where things turn sour quickly. In all, the portrayals of male characters are multifaceted. Well done.Last but not the least: small roles. Does the show even have small roles? Because everyone shines. Even the shop assistant of that sex shop: the scene is so funny and captivating. Lisa Kudrow is funny but in a cold way – which is really nice. I am not crazy about her first appearance in the laptop; seeing her appear in Blackpool is a real surprise for me (and Mae). I love the scene in Ghost Train the most. Arguing in a horror house/moving train, with all the noise and terrifying man-makes while discussing ‘real emotions’, which is the most terrifying of all – what a genius idea!! The fact that the show keeps vague about why Mae is cast out of the family is an interesting one; I quite like how her mother points out her privilege and that she has everything she wants when she grows up. Again, the show is looking at the mysterious and intricate human mind that is not so easily explainable. Apart from that, I don’t think there are a lot of TV shows that discuss ‘privilege’. Kudos to the writers for highlighting this aspect. The photography is really pretty. It, like TEOTFW, has a consistent tone, which is even reflected when Mae and George are in bed. Note the beautiful blue shadow. The music is nice. The costume looks comfy and lovely (never let the costume steal the show– I’m talking to you, Killing Eve). My favorite, as I said earlier is the pace of narration. Mae has run a lot and it is a signature of Feel Good, like Fleabag’s looking at the camera.Feel Good is about a female stand-up comedian. In the States, there is The Marvelous Mrs Maisel. Both Mae and Midge suffer from a backfire from they using real-life stories with their partner (judging from S1 finale, haven’t watched S2 yet). It is interesting to think how personal the stand-up mateials can be, but having just watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette, I am reminding myself that in order to make things funny, the ‘truth’ can be compromised. While Nanette is almost metafictional when Hannah approaches/disconstructs what makes comedy, I don’t think that is the angle Feel Good is heading towards. However, it is still fit to think about the show amongst the powerful works by Mae Martin’s fellow female comedians. The freshness of the show also reminds me of Girls (with its minute depictions of modern female life) and Fleabag (with its candidacy about real emotions). Feel Good deserves more recognition and PLEASE CAN WE HAVE SEASON 2 THANK YOU NETFLIX!!